Fear can be spread just as quickly as the coronavirus

Many know Ana Belén Medialdea as the "psychologist of the phrases on paper", because her reflections on Instagram , where she has more than 20,000 followers, have become accurate darts that point where it hurts the most or, better said, where she feel. But she is also a graduate in Psychology, a specialist in Strategic Brief Therapy, an expert in systemic family therapy with children and adolescents and in emotional dependency and self-esteem . She is also the author of the book «Bitter your life depends on you» . A title, incidentally, more than adequate in times of coronavirus .

This natural psychologist from Guadix (Granada) who has worked for years in her Madrid-based practice has also experienced something emotionally new when facing the effects that the coronavirus crisis and confinement are causing on her patients. She says that going back to work, helping people to manage their emotions these days, has been a shock for her that has helped her to "take things differently" and combat her own anxiety ... That "professional" anxiety of those who live closely the ravages that the Covid-19 causes and that has more to do with impotence and frustration than with expectations about the future.

Almost two months of confinement have passed, where are we at the collective level?

We have gone through several phases . At the beginning we were in a state of denial in which we all convinced ourselves that this was not so important, nor so serious and that this could not be happening. But over time we have gone from denial to rage . And we have also gone through sadness . We are now in an adaptation phase . In general, we are adapting to the situation we have. ç

It is true that not everyone is adapting in the same way. Many people needed to go outside , either because they are more sociable, or because they could not bear to live locked up (although they have had to learn to do it these days). But when we went out into the street, we found ourselves in a new situation. And not everyone is managing it well. Some are making the most of going out on the street, but others, however, feel well at home and are afraid to go out.

Why are some people afraid to go outside?

The fear usually occurs before a change. For a few days we have had to get used to living at home. This has made us enter a comfort zonethat has led us to think that our house is the place where we are not in danger.

In some cases, learning to manage fear may seem impossible, especially for those who have panicked or feel unable to go outside. But fear can be managed. And for this you have to face it. We have to look fear in the face because when we do it it stops being so heavy and it stops being so big in our life. We have to respect our times, of course, but we must also bear in mind that in this context we run the risk of building a pathological fear .

Today, going out in fear is normal because the danger is real. We are not imagining it, it happens. We can catch the disease and that is so. But if this happened within a time when the situation was already under control (perhaps within a year or a year and a half, for example) but we continued with that fear, we would indeed be facing an irrational fear.

And how do you help overcome that fear?

The first thing is to become aware that feeling fear is normal and that we don't have to blame ourselves for feeling it. We cannot choose what emotions we are going to feel. Emotions come when they want. We can only choose what to do with those emotions . If I am afraid, what can I do? Do I stay isolated, locked up and anguished or do I try to do little things even if they scare me? Maybe I shouldn't be exposed to walking for a kilometer, but I can start by going out first to the portal and then going around the building or the block.

The important thing is to do a little thing every day to help us deal with fear . Because one of the things that helps us to get worse and build a greater fear is just to avoid facing it. That is why it is important to allow ourselves to look fear in the face little by little because only then does fear become courage .

What can contribute to worsen or enlarge that fear?

It is important not to overexpose yourself to the information because it can get us into a negative loop . Constantly watching programs or news that make us see how bad things are and how everyone is doing it generates anxiety. And it also generates anxiety to talk about fear all the time. If I call my mother, my cousin or my friend and I do not stop telling them that I am not able to leave because I am very afraid, I begin to transmit the fear that you feel. And fear can spread just as quickly as coronavirus. It is useless that we are taking precautionary measures against the coronavirus so as not to catch it if we later catch it at the psychological level from that fear that can invalidate us so much.

Unlike what happens with other emotions , talking about fear does not help us vent. The more we talk about fear, the more it grows. It is as if we put a special fertilizer on a plant to make it grow. The more we talk about fear, the greater the fear that we build.

Many people are already suffering from other consequences of the coronavirus, such as lower wages, financial problems, job losses ... In the face of the barrage of negative news, how can you avoid falling into a negative loop?

In this situation it is also normal to get frustrated because those people who are used to having a specific amount of salary and standard of living will see that this will no longer be the case and they cannot demand of themselves that this does not affect them. The important thing when you experience something like this is to protect yourself psychologically, taking mental hygiene measures to avoid falling into that negative loop and infecting ourselves.

It would be important, for example, that they avoid talking about the problem constantly between classmates, since there comes a point where that no longer serves to vent, but to poison themselves more. The more you talk about it with each other the greater the frustration and the greater the feeling of helplessness.

We can choose to see it from a very negative point of view or from another that is more optimistic, less blocking, since the latter is the one that will best contribute to making the situation better for us as soon as possible.

And what if someone crashes and can't get out of there?

One of the things that helps the most when we feel like we are being dragged into a negative loop that is not up to us is writing. It is very therapeutic and helps to put emotional distance with what we are feeling.

When the brain washing machine is on full blast and there comes a time when we poison ourselves by believing what we are thinking, we have to write down on paper everything that is going through our minds, all those negative and recurring thoughts until we take them to the saturation, if necessary until our hand hurts. This will help us separate ourselves from what we are feeling and not allow those thoughts to become our reality.

How would you advise managing the different phases of de-escalation or the time frames in times of coronavirus?

Perhaps many people are now frustrated and angry with life at having lost the opportunity to do things they needed to do. For example, all those people who have lost a relative in this situation and who have not been able to say goodbye to them. It is difficult because it is something that everyone has to learn to manage in the first person. In these situations, you will have to mourn.

But those people who had plans and projects that they have not been able to do will also have to mourn . That is something that will be important to manage on an emotional level. We cannot change anything from the past, we can only learn to live with it, accept it and manage it. But as for the future, it is important not to get ahead. One of the things this pandemic has taught usIt has been that we have had to learn to live with uncertainty and the present moment. Although we know that perhaps in two weeks we can change phase, we do not know because it is not really known what the data will be like these days. It is important to work on yourself to return to the present moment. I cannot know the future and I cannot modify the past.

The phrase "better times are coming" seems to have settled in society and perhaps we are losing our lives, how does it connect with the present?

We have never spent so much time with ourselves and our thoughts. So it is normal for many to feel overwhelmed because what they are trying to do is avoid focusing on themselves. This situation has helped us to have to sit down and listen to each other.

The other day I read a phrase that said something like: "And you, what are you going to do when all this happens?" ... But the key is not what you are going to do but who you are going to be after this. What person do you want to be after the coronavirus? Do you want to be someone who chooses to spend time and take care of their mental health or do you want to be someone who lives in a loop of negativity and does not accept the situation ... Deciding that is important.

Being in the present is not easy because our minds are constantly traveling from the past to the future without stopping.

Something that helps connect with the present is meditation .

And another thing that helps is to become aware of whether our mind is programming the future or thinking about something from the past that frustrates us. We must become aware of it to do what is healthiest for us, from writing to doing sports, or painting, listening to music or even calling a friend ... If we let ourselves be carried away by thoughts about the future or about the past, we will not be in the present . And we will be missing it.