The 6 mistakes that most wear down your relationship in times of coronavirus

Discussions without an "end point", the "Siamese" effect, neglecting hygiene and appearance or not setting limits at work are some of the attitudes that can influence the couple the most during confinement

A-go-ta-dos! Four syllables. Eight letters. Plain word, without accent. With an exclamation ... The emotional fatigue produced by the particularity of the situation we live in (Covid-19 threat, confinement , hoaxes, discouraging news ...) complicates day-to-day management at home and as a couple. It is difficult for everyone, both for those who have children and for those who do not, but there are also certain attitudes that, according to psychologists, can add complications to those already given by the context. These are the six most damaging.

1. Do not disconnect from work

One of the attitudes that exerts a powerful negative effect on the relationship is not to draw a clear line between work time and rest time , says psychologist Lidia Alvarado . "When the workday is over and the person is still at the computer or answering calls, he is taking time away from the moments of evasion and complicity that are essential in a couple because they allow them to share, talk, laugh and relax," he clarifies.

Solution: The line dividing working time from relaxing time must be clearly defined.

2. Discussions without end and point

It is normal that there are more frictions in daily coexistence , but if the couple is not able to put an end to the discussion turning the page immediately and maintains a spiteful and power struggle attitude, a toxic and harmful environment will be generated . "This will contaminate the relationship, raise tension and gradually settle into the couple's routine, even going to bed, thus generating an added problem," reveals Alvarado.

The psychologist Laura Fuster advises, for her part, to avoid arguing about "nonsense" and to control anger, since the fact of being together for so long can make the discussion last hours, or even days.

Solution: It is imperative that a full stop be written behind each discussion, fight or misunderstanding.

3. Suffer the «Siamese» effect

"Being forced to share the same scenario for so many hours in a row can lead to an invasion of the other person's personal space ," warns Alvarado. It is true that when the rooms (or the homes) are reduced it is difficult to find the formula to solve it, but what should not be done is to pretend to spend the whole day "stuck together".

It is also a mistake, according to psychologist Laura Fuster, to limit contact only to the couple. "It is important to maintain affective relationships with friends and family members and talk to different people during these days," adds Fuster.

Solution: Respect the intimacy of your partner, let him take oxygen and do what he needs or talk to whoever needs to disconnect. You also connect with other people.

4. Escaping from shared tasks

Forced coexistence can also lead to attitudes of neglect and little solidarity with the other person. This happens when the full weight of daily obligations is delegated to the couple : cleaning, order, shopping, cooking, picking up, taking care of the children ... «This attitude is extremely selfish and not at all empathetic. We are experiencing an unusual situation that has completely changed our daily dynamics and routines, and also with a very high degree of tension. Therefore, it is time to share responsibilities and divide the burdens, "advises the expert in couples therapy, Lidia Alvarado.

Solution: It is time to add and contribute, not to subtract.

5. Neglecting hygiene and appearance

It is common for the emotional state to change over the weeks or even within the same day. "This is normal and understandable, there is nothing to reproach", clarifies Alvarado. But what should be paid attention, as needed, is that this is not reflected in the external appearance and leads to physical neglect.

If we fall into this dynamic, it is likely that we will begin to develop bad hygiene or personal hygiene habits . Staying at home 24 hours does not mean being in your pajamas all day, stop showering or neglecting. Seeing your partner all day in the same shirt or with dirty hair does a disservice to passion, a fundamental ingredient in relationships.

Solution: Take care of your grooming, hygiene and personal care routines both to feel better personally and to be pleasant to your partner.

6. Blaming the other for what happens in the world

The discomfort generated by this atypical situation can lead to paying it with the person you love the most. For this reason, the psychologist and expert in couples therapy, Silvia Sanz , advises us to stop and think about whether it is really important what has bothered us about the other person or if we are really carrying the exhaustion or negative feelings caused by uncertainty. and isolation. "This can lead us to focus this discomfort on the behavior of the couple and that can harm the relationship," argues Silvia Sanz.

Solution: Ask the other person how they feel, understand their emotions and share yours. Remember that your partner is going through the same thing.